“Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing.
In all circumstances give thanks, for this
is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”
In all circumstances give thanks, for this
is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”
--1 Thessalonians 5: 16-24
Working my way slowly through the
Old Testament has offered me many little and wonderful benefits. For instance, standing
in line for confession last night… I was standing there anxious as always. Even
at 58 I worry over speaking my sin in the hearing of another. I was at one of
those Advent Reconciliation events and so there were several priests to choose
from and I simply got into what looked like a reasonably short line (there were
two on this side of the church –one longer and one shorter… I chose the
shorter) and stood there –waiting—wondering what I would say. I got out a little pad of paper and started
making a list of my sins. By the time I got to the second page, I realized that
the person standing behind me could probably read everything I was writing. So,
I closed the notebook and capped my pen and began looking around, watching for
the people coming out of the confessional. I was wondering if the priest was
giving out hard penance? I figured I might be able to tell by the look in the
eyes. Was he a kind old experienced priest? Was he a gentle naïve young first
timer? Would he be sympathetic to my
situation? my sins? or would he suddenly blurt out: At your age!! Or would it be
one of those wonderful out of town priests from Poland that can’t understand a
word you say, so they just listen, forgive everything and tell you to pray
three Hail Marys. (I love going to
confession to priests who don’t speak English!)
A woman came out and smiled. The next person
went in; the line moved and I saw the name of the priest. Not him! And suddenly that other line didn’t look so
bad. I could just change lines. Just go over there. Maybe I should act like I
was going to the bathroom, and just slip away and find a different line on the
other side of the church. Or maybe I should just give up. It was a sign!
Literally –with a name on it! I should just go home. I didn’t belong here
anyway.
But, instead of getting out of line
I opened my Bible. I was going to just read a little as I waited. Hoping it
would distract me from the sense that the lady behind me was standing a little
further back from me now that she knew the state of my soul. I was going to
read a psalm or something like that, but instead I opened it to where I had
left off that morning: Deuteronomy 8:7, and I began to read and this is exactly
what I read:
“But,
the Lord your God is bringing you into a fine country, a land of streams and
springs, of waters that well up from the deep in valleys and hills, a land of
wheat and barley, of vines, of figs, of pomegranates, a land of olives, of oil,
of honey, a land where you will eat bread without stint, where you will want
nothing…”
And I felt my knees buckle and my
chin tremble and my eyes fill with tears. It was truly the voice of God
speaking to me, there, in that line, as I waited –fearful, anxious,
self-conscious, wanting nothing more than to just turn and run away. And to
those feelings, the Lord said:
“But…”
Do you see? That’s what happens
when you give yourself a chance to listen to God. He says to you: But…
I was ready to give up, and the
Lord said, “But…” and that is
actually what made all the difference (Thank
you, Mr. Frost). What I am trying to
say here is this: I think if I had been reading a different translation of the
Bible, if I had opened the Bible to a different spot, if I had started reading
at a different verse even, I might have walked away from that line and gone
home without going to confession. I probably would have been ashamed of myself, but
sadly I would have probably gotten over that much sooner than I would like to
admit.
And yet I was reading that
particular Bible that night and opened it to that particular verse because the
morning before I had been reading that particular page and because the first
word I read was: But… I felt there
was nothing random about it. The words on that page spoke to me. They felt as
if they were actually responding to me in that moment. They said: Yes. You can turn around and walk out of here
and no one will stop you and no one will hold it against you; But… here is
what I have planned for you, so please stay.
This Sunday (the third Sunday of
Advent) one of our readings encourages us to Rejoice always. Give thanks in
every situation. That is a hard, hard
teaching for some of us. We have very difficult
situations in our lives and we struggle just to keep going, just to stay in the
line. How can we be grateful for an
incurably ill child? For a car that won’t start –again? For a flood that takes
away everything we owned, everything we loved, and leaves us feeling lost? How do we rejoice in that situation? How do
we feel grateful for that?
I
don’t have an answer. But… I think I know where to find one.
