“Moses said: that is the bread which
the Lord has given you to eat.”
--Exodus 16:15
“Moses then said: No one may keep any of it for tomorrow.
But some of them took no notice of Moses and kept part of it
for the following day; it bred maggots and the smell grew foul.”
--Exodus 16:19-20
“Jesus said to them: I am the bread of life;
whoever comes to me will never hunger,
and whoever believes in me will never thirst.”
--John 6:35
I’ve been thinking about the “bread of life.” I’ve been
thinking about it in a literal sense: as a way of thinking about life as the
bread (or food) that God gives us each day. I’ve been thinking about the joys
and difficulties that come in daily life: friends, community, praise, but also
labor, discomfort, hurt feelings, intentional cruelties, as well as annoying
interruptions and simple day to day tedium. It seems easy enough to see the
friend who offers an encouraging word or helping hand as a kind of manna from
Heaven. A friend like that can lift your
spirit, ease your tensed brow, lighten your load and leave you feeling
refreshed and renewed. Sometimes all they do is stop by your office and make
you laugh for a few minutes; it is amazing how renewed I can feel. Truly fed.
But what about the difficulties? How are those food? They feel more like punishments, than
nourishment. How do they embody the
bread God has given us to eat this day? I
don’t know exactly, but I keep looking for the paradox and wondering if that
might give us a clue; a clue to how God might feed us through our very hunger,
nourish us through that particularly difficult relationship. Or refresh our
spirit through even an injury or disease?
Or even a leaky roof or a clogged drain?
What I am saying is… well, not so much saying as proposing…
Actually, not so much proposing, as considering, is this: what if the food of
each day is the events and people we meet each day? And what if they all
(pleasant and unpleasant) are meant to bless us, to nourish us, but not
necessarily to make our lives easier or more pleasent (at least not in any
measurable way). What if (for example)
the clogged bathtub drain which a few minutes ago stopped my writing and
demanded my attention is at least part of the food God has given me to eat this
day? If I believed that to be true, how
would it affect my reaction to it? Would
I stand up in a huff (or maybe a minute and a huff?) sighing resentfully and
stomping down the hall, Liquid Plumber in hand? Or would I sigh gratefully and whisper to
myself: Thank you Lord, I was feeling a
little pekish? Disclaimer: I
certainly did not do the latter. And
when someone mentioned that perhaps we should call a plumber, I reacted not
with gentle considered words but with an interior monologue that went something
like: Yeah! Maybe someone should do that.
Maybe the someone who keeps clogging the drain every time she shaves!
And I know it’s not
easy nor is it something our culture considers natural or even admirable. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. The Lord
feeds us through His body and blood –and sometimes that body and blood show up
in our door looking a lot like that neighbor who is always complaining about
our lawn: we never edge, we don’t water enough, and some of my favorite flowers
are actually weeds! And yes, I might want to tell him to mind his own business,
but –is that how I want to greet Christ when He comes to my door?
Here is the other part: just because we have been given
something for our daily food, doesn’t determine how we are supposed to receive
it. You see, we might receive something
very difficult for our daily bread because God wants us not to simply accept
it—but to grapple with it. We are (perhaps) being called to struggle with a
difficult neighbor not because we are to become a doormat, but because we are
to witness to that neighbor the presence of God; through our willingness to
receive him and our willingness to treat him with compassion, to be loving, to
be sincere and respectful toward him. Sometimes our daily bread may be an
unfair law or an unjust attitude, and we are being asked to receive that daily
bread through working to change the law or change the attitude; through
witnessing against it. Perhaps our daily bread is simply a child who wants our
attention just when we sit down to write the great American novel. Both are goods; and to choose one is not
necessarily to demean the other. And es,
our daily bread might have been time to write or our daily bread could be the
child’s love; but what if the bread is actually that conflict: what if the real
bread from Heaven comes not necessarily from one or the other, but in making
the choice. The real nourishment comes
not necessarily from the artistic effort (or success) or even from the child
who takes your hand and pulls you away from the desk, but in making the choice to
go with the child, the choice to put someone else first? The real food is in the choice to put your
own wants or desires aside and give yourself (your time; literally a piece of
your life) to another. To do that feeds
our soul, and that is something to chew on.
As I was writing this, I find myself seated at an old school
table with too many books on it (only half of them mine) and a cup of cold coffee
perched carefully just in reach toward the edge so it won’t get knocked and
spilled as I open books and turn pages. This is a place I like to sit in the
mornings with my Bible and read a little and then write in my notebook. And
most of what I write here, comes out of that notebook. Anyway, I was sitting there bending over the
notebook and scribbling away when I reached for my coffee and knocked my little
blue Bible off to the floor. Picking it up I noticed a couple of holy cards (used
as bookmarks) had fallen out. As I was putting them back into the Bible I noticed
writing on the back of one and thought: I don’t know if I’ve ever read this. The
card was a black and white photograph of Therese of Lisieux. I think I picked
it up in a church because I liked the picture, and I had probably stuck it
right into a book without even reading it.
Anyway, turning it over, this is what I read:
Everything
is a grace, everything is the direct effect of our Father’s love; difficulties,
contradictions, humiliations, all the soul’s miseries, her burdens, her needs,
everything; because through them she learns humility, realizes her
weakness. Everything is a grace because
everything is God’s gift. Whatever be the character of life or its unexpected
events, to the heart that loves, all is well.
And I thought—yes. That’s what I meant to say. And much more concise... Everything is grace.
Be nourished by it. Be nourished by your husband’s
love. Be nourished by your wife’s
tears. Be nourished by your child’s
laughter. Be nourished by the litter box
that needs cleaning. Be nourished by the
tub that won’t drain. Be nourished by
the quiet moment with the cold coffee and the spilled book. Be nourished by your needs that go unmet, be
nourished by the contradictions and humiliations… not because they are goods,
but because they are opportunities for us to be fed by God. Learn humility by accepting “whatever be the
character of [your] life” meekly and
with love. And remember Moses’ warning
about holding onto the manna. Don’t hold
onto the hurts and slights and humiliations. Don’t cling to them, because even manna
from Heaven turns sour and breeds maggots when we hold onto it and store it up
for tomorrow.
Lord, open my heart to the gift of this day.
let me receive it and be fed by it, nourished
by Your grace descending like bread from Heaven.
Through Your gift, let me be renewed in hope,
Strengthened in faith, and consoled by Your love.
Amen.
