I’ve been thinking about the psalm this week.
“Although they go forth weeping, carrying the seed to be
sown,
They shall come back rejoicing, carrying their sheaves.”
(Psalm 126)
For me, so often, the psalm is like a brief interlude in the
middle of Mass. As if the readings (Old Testament, Epistle, Gospel) were what
really mattered. Too often, as the psalm is being sung, I either get caught up
in the melody or so focused on remembering the refrain that I forget what the
to listen to the words. But, this week, I have found myself drawn not to the
gospel or the reading from Jeremiah as much as to that beautiful ending of the
psalm –even just that final wonderful old familiar, yet strange word: sheaves. Which
is a not part of our normal suburban vocabulary. And yet most of us probably
know wat it is anyway: a gathering of wheat or grain stems bound together.
So many of us probably hear the word and think of someone (usually
a preacher or a woman in a bonnet) singing the old hymn, Bringing
in the sheaves.
And caught by that single word, I began looking again at the
readings for this Sunday, especially rereading the psalm. The psalm itself is about returning from
exile; it is a psalm extolling the great thing God has done for Israel. But
what I found most interesting, most curious, and most ponderable is that
sorrowful image of the exile itself, that image of a sower weeping
as he goes forth carrying seed to be sown.
And I have been meditating on that image most this week. And even wondering how it might speak to the
other readings.
There is an explicit connection to the reading from Jeremiah
31 which speaks of Israel’s return from exile, and even echoes the psalms image
of departing in tears. And a clear
metaphorical connection to the Gospel of Mark with its’ story of Bartimeus the
blind man crying out for help. Bartimeus is exiled from the world of the seeing
by his lack of eyesight. And when he is
healed by Jesus, he follows Him—rejoicing as he walks literally in the presence
of God.
And then there is that middle reading from the letter to the
Hebrews (5:1-6). It tells of a different kind of exile—the exile of being a
high priest. The author reminds us that “No one takes this honor upon himself,
but only when called by God…” (cf. 5:4), so, in a sense, the high priest is set
apart, exiled by the will of God. And yet, this is not a geographical exile,
but a spiritual one. The high priest remains in the presence of the community,
but is spiritually set apart to offer sacrifice for sins (both theirs and his
own).
And all of it calls me back to that image of the mournful
sower and his seeds. And I keep asking
myself: why? Why that image? And what about those seeds?
Historically there are tales of enslaved peoples actually carrying
seeds with them into exile, as a source of food, or livelihood (woven into
their hair or the clothes they wore). But, even that historical fact is ripe for
metaphor: though they were dragged from their homes and their lives, a piece of
it still came with them; wherever they were taken, they carried a piece of
their homeland, and their way of life with them.
But still… that image of the sower and those seeds. It
haunts me. And I keep asking myself why.
And I think part of it is this: To be exiled is to be sent
somewhere unfamiliar, unknown—not our home, our safe place. To be sent into
exile is to become vulnerable, dependent on the grace of God and the kindness
of strangers. In exile, I must always ask for help, for permission, for
assistance, for mercy. In exile we become kind of like the blind Bartimaeus: vulnerable
to the thoughtless or cruel, and dependent on the kind. We become—in a sense—like
one of those seeds. Cared for, we could take root and grow, possibly even
thrive, but mistreated or cast aside we could just shrivel up, or be ground
down and trampled to dust. But, what
does that mean to us today? What might it mean for our daily life?
Let me tell a brief story from my week. I have been baking a
lot of muffins lately. And some come out perfect and moist and delicious, and
others not quite so well; they are dense or not sweet enough, too dry… Well,
last week I baked a batch of orange cranberry pecan muffins that just didn’t
seem quite up to snuff. They were fine, but disappointing after the previous batch,
which a friend referred to as “Herman’s magic muffins.” And then I baked another… and again—not as
good. No magic! In fact, their texture and the blandness of their taste left me
feeling kind of depressed. I thought I had done everything the same, thought I
had done it all right, but they just weren’t as good. Maybe those magic muffins
were just an accident. And the reality
was these: too bland and a little dense, kind of like me.
Anyway, I tried again but went back to my basic raisin
walnut recipe and those were a little better. So I bagged a few up to take with me to work (as
breakfast for the week) and discovered that I still had some failed cranberry
orange muffins leftover in the faculty kitchen. Why did the sight of those muffins make me so
sad? Somehow they seemed a sign of my own frailty, my own failure. I started to
throw them away, but realized how wasteful that would be –so I set them out on
a plate for others. Not a selfless act
as much as one of desperation—I would say. I needed to be set free from the
failure of those muffins! They haunted me—like missing a last second field goal
or striking out with bases loaded in the final inning of the world series.
Let me remind you—these were not poisoned or tainted in any
way, except by my own knowledge that they could have been better! So I put them
out for anyone to take, and went off to open the library. Less than an hour
later one of our theology teachers came in the library—a man who is fastidious
in fashion and food, famous for his own cajun cooking—and as he was passing by
he asked me: Those muffins in the
kitchen. Did you bake those?
And I confessed that I did, awaiting what I expected would
be a sarcastic comment about nutmeg or molasses or something, but instead he thanked
me for them, saying he hadn’t had time for breakfast, adding: Those are
delicious.
I think that moment was a kind of annunciation moment for me.
I had been feeling downhearted, not simply because of the muffins—but because
they had become a kind of metaphor for my failure in so many other ways.
Failure as a husband, as a father, as a son, as a brother and as a friend. Failure as a poet, and failure as a person; I
was feeling exiled and helpless. Blind to my own worth and perhaps even to my
own sin. And suddenly a figure stands
before me announcing that what I thought was my failure, was instead food for
his journey. And, that he found it “delicious.”
You see—like the Bible so memorably says: The muffin the
baker rejected has become the theology teacher’s breakfast!
What I thought was my
failure, my worthless offering, a sign of my own fading value, was like a seed
that fell to the ground—unnoticed. And yet, unless a seed fall to the earth and
die, it remains alone, but if it dies—it will bear much fruit.
Israel, dragged into exile bore the seeds –but not in their
hair, not sewn into the garments the exiled people wore –No. In their flesh.
They were the seeds. Chosen by God. Scattered and sown in exile, and as they
returned they came bearing fruit, bearing the sheaves of God’s blessing.
But, we still have that final question: how on earth can we
see exile as a kind of blessing?
First, we have to stop thinking of a blessing as something
that makes life easier, or more comfortable. What if we started thinking of a
blessing as a chance to serve God? As a chance to bear witness to God’s
presence, perhaps even allowing ourselves the vulnerability of becoming like
Bartimaeus, who –in his exile—is a seed of grace. The blind Bartimaeus is an opportunity for
others, for those who encounter him to serve God, but even more to encounter
Him… because as Jesus warns us:
“Whatever you did
for the least of these, that you did unto Me.”
Feed the hungry, visit the prisoner, clothe the naked, help
the sick… The people, the individuals, are the seed. The blessing of exile is found
in that seed—not in their suffering, but in the chance that suffering gives to others
–to us—to offer help, compassion, love. It isn’t that the cruelties of exile,
homelessness, prison, illness, poverty are goods, or even blessings in
themselves, but that they are perhaps the soil in which the seed is planted.
And of course most of us will never suffer the kind of exile
the psalmist spoke of. And if we are lucky, most of us will never experience the exile of blindness, like Bartimaeus. Our exiles (at least for most of us here in the US) will
look more like loneliness, feeling unwanted or unneeded, or a failure, losing
our place in a friend group or losing a job, or even losing our favorite pew at
church…
Like me, your exile may not involve a great deal of
discomfort, like me it could even be self-inflicted… in fact it may be as simple
as having a bad day, or a bad week, or baking a bad muffin. But whatever it is, trust that God is nearby—in
fact He is right there with you, waiting to use it as an opportunity to reveal the blessing of His love.